My Blog a.k.a My Rambling's
This is where I rabbit on about something that has caught my interest, sparked my curiosity, or prodded the sleeping bear. My ramblings range from lightly educational to humours rants. Often intertwined to be honest.
An open letter to anxiety...
Dear Anxiety, We’ve been together for a while now and we’ve come to know each other well. At first, I was grateful for you, holding me back from making bad decisions, holding me back from embarrassing myself, holding me back from danger, holding me back from potential hurt and pain. But now you’re just holding me back. Too often these days, you're the first on the scene before I've even realised you're needed. And you never try to hide your arrival. You make my heart pound against my chest. You rush the blood to my muscles, to my limbs. You starve my brains resource centre of oxygen. You tense my muscles and quicken my breath. You flood me with adrenaline and prepare me to run. I feel dizzy. My stomach is in knots, you stop my digestion. My limbs tense, shake. Adrenalin surges through me. I feel sick. I want to vomit. The physical feelings engulf me. I hold myself, I hug myself. The pain is real, physical pain not just emotional. I can’t focus on anything else. You are so compelling, so I search for the danger – something that fits what I’m feeling and explains the craziness inside me. It doesn't matter whether or not the threat is real, because I can't help but act as if it is. It's the only way to make sense of what I'm going through. It is never a good thing, it is never kind, it is always disastrous and reinforces all of the feelings, thoughts, and responses, and it builds and builds. Like a high pressured ping pong ball bouncing around my mind. There's no stopping it. Now I'm worried about becoming anxious. I can feel you coming before you arrive - that pit of the stomach dread, sick, racing, feeling.. Do you ever consider what you do to me? That's a ridiculous question. I know you don't. You don’t think of anything at all. You’re primal. I get it. There's no thought, only action. You're the siren who screams at shadows to warn me that they're about to pounce, but they never do. You are the only thing pouncing. I despise how I feel when you're around. You surround me like unfriendly security guards, ready to put yourself between me and danger. But you're getting too close now. I can feel your breath on the back of my neck, and I can't breathe when that happens. I'd do anything to avoid you, and sometimes I do just that - I avoid you or the places I know you'll be. I didn't understand you at first, but there was something strangely comforting about you. I've been terrified, truly terrified, of letting you go. I can’t imagine life without you, I'm not sure what letting you go will look like, but I do know having you around hurts me. You say you protect me from danger, from standing out, from failing, from embarrassment, from pain. I'm sure you believe it. You’ve believed it enough for both of us. It never occurred to me until now that you could be wrong. You're so convincing, but that doesn't make you right. I’m looking too hard for the reasons to explain you. I hear you. I feel you. But I'm not sure why you're here. So I'm starting to think you need me more than I need you, and that I'd be much better off without you. You're a doomsayer. I've been paying too much attention to the drama you've been creating within me. Now I'm going to concentrate on the truth… I don't need you! I know you think you're looking after me, and I appreciate you being there when I needed you. But now you're there whether I need you or not. You’re holding me back, I can be more than this. You're far too quick to act. Too quick to see what isn't there. Too quick to detect danger. Too quick to assume the worst-case scenario. When I close my eyes, I see and feel you, but when I take slow, deep breaths… Slow..... Deep..... Breaths…. You fade. I know you simply hate it when I do that. All of your fighting or attempting to escape, all of your preparation, all of your work... It all fades away, one breath at a time. So that's where I'll begin. It will not be easy. You and I have formed a partnership. Predictable. Safe. Needed. I know you're not trying to hurt me, but the truth is that you are hurting me. Thank you for trying to look after me. I know you want to stay, and I want you to stay just in case. But I can be happier without you. I'm letting you go slowly, one breath at a time. I'm going to catch your unreasonable thoughts one thought at a time and acknowledge that it's you. It's not real, this is what you do. I'm letting you go slowly, one breath at a time. You can fight, and sometimes you may even win. But I'll spot you. I'll notice the games you play and then... Slowly... one breath at a time.... I’ll let you go. Yours Respectfully, Your Creator
Therapy Myth Busting
When it comes to therapy, there are a ton of myths out there that we need to debunk. One of the biggest misconceptions is that therapists are some sort of all-knowing gurus who will tell you exactly how to live your life. I hate to burst your bubble, but that's just not true! As a therapist, I'm not here to hand you a list of do's and don'ts. My goal is to create a safe, confidential space where you can explore your inner world without fear of judgement or prejudice. Basically, I'm here to help you find your own path forward. Now, you might be wondering why I'm not just giving you all the answers. Well, for starters, nobody knows you better than you know yourself. You're the expert on your own life, and my job is to help you tap into that knowledge. I'm here to help you uncover your own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, and to guide you as you develop your own solutions. Plus, let's be real, advice can be disempowering. How many times have you had someone try to "fix" you with their own advice, and despite intentions being in the right place that advice just wasn’t right for you? For a myriad of reasons. Instead, I want to help you build your own resilience and confidence by exploring your own thoughts and feelings. Think of me like a sports coach. I can help you improve your technique and explore game plan strategies but when it comes down to it, you're the one who has to make the plays. Therapy is kind of like that - I'm here to guide you, but you're the one in charge of your own life. You have to exercise your mind and be committed to taking charge of your life and the experience of your world. So, if you're looking for a quick fix or a cheat sheet to life, therapy might not be for you. But if you're wanting to achieve your full true potential, and you’re willing to put in the effort and commit to the process… then please find yourself the right therapist for you because it can be a truly rewarding journey of self-discovery and growth.
“When you shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity…”
Seeing vulnerability as a weakness is one of our society's most common and serious flaws. To reject vulnerability is to reject life. You can't know what true love is unless you're vulnerable. You can't know your true potential unless you confront your vulnerability. Feeling vulnerable means you have the opportunity to be brave and courageous, to try again and again, because feeling vulnerable means it's worthwhile to try, again and again. Can you think of an experience of vulnerability that is not courage?... Here's some examples of common vulnerabilities.... Saying I love you first = courage ✅ THATS A BIG ONE! Saying sorry = courage ✅ Calling an old friend after too much time has passed = courage ✅ Making a doctors appointment to check a lump = courage ✅ Going for that job interview or promotion? = courage ✅ Standing up to someone = courage ✅ Getting up and delivering a speech = courage ✅ Becoming a parent = courage ✅ Asking for help = courage ✅ If you like this post you will enjoy Brene Brown's book -Daring Greatly
“There was no such thing as anxiety in my day…”
Have you ever heard... "There was no such thing as anxiety in my day!..." Argghh, this one winds me up! Firstly, quiet simply, yes there was! Secondly, if you have lived a life without encountering anxiety yourself or with a loved one, I’m pleased for you, count yourself lucky. Thirdly, why does it matter? What is your point? You may be speaking to someone who is suffering and this comment is belittling at best, at worse it may discourage someone getting the help and support they need to live their best life. Most of the time, I politely respond and explain. After all, emotional and neurological considerations were not as extensively explored or understood as they are today. Not long ago, discoveries and education on variances in the mind, temperament, hormones, and inner beliefs were unsettling, even frightening (anxiety was formerly believed to be a trait of witches!) So, since we have progressed culturally, scientifically, and medically, it is now our responsibility to fill the educational gap. Our world is always evolving, and I'm sure one day my grandchildren will lecture me on shortfalls in my knowledge. However, I must admit that my reaction to the preceding is not always calm; my inner Thumper is singing... "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," but my nostrils are flaring.... and so, if you catch me on a "off day" (yes, therapists have them too), be prepared for a sarcastic remark with a sprinkling of passive aggression... “Yet you did have mental asylums with corridors miles long”* In other words, anxiety existed; however, it was misunderstood, and serious sufferers were institutionalised. Thankfully, today's approach to community understanding and care, supported by science and medicine, provides a sufferer the opportunity to receive appropriate aid to enable them to live well, happily, and to their full potential. Anxiety has been around since humans were first worried about getting trampled on by woolly mammoths! However, anxiety was not historically recognised as a mental illness. Individuals may have been diagnosed with sadness, manic depression, hysteria, or psychosis. Interestingly anxiety is mentioned in Greek medical manuscripts attributed to Hippocrates, who is often regarded as the father of medicine. However, the concept appeared to skip centuries in medical texts. The description of anxiety has always been reported but was simply not recognised in itself. Thankfully, it is now clinically recognised and understood, but everyone's experience is unique. The impact on a sufferer can range from mild discomfort to debilitating. There are several aspects of our present day world that show evidence of contributing to anxiety disorders. Theses including technology access, social media, and marketing. Some past generations didn't face these triggers to the extent that they are prevalent today. Equally in the past, other stressors existed that we no longer battle with in our modern day world ( including woolly mammoths!) But this is for another article. It's also interesting to note that as our understanding of the human mind grows, scientists continue to conduct study, not simply on new discoveries like a possibility of a genetic predisposition to anxiety, but also into historical reporting’s, remedies and holistic approaches, to uncover more evidence for non-drug related treatments. For centuries many cultures have championed strategies such as muscle, heart rate, and breathing control to master a calm state of mind where insight and new learning can take place. Hypnotherapy can help you master a calm state. In our fast-paced society, proper relaxation is rarely experienced, and the advantages of calming your mind and body in this manner can be enormous and, in many situations, sufficient. Hypnotherapy can also be used to reveal the causes of anxiety, allowing new ideas and behaviours to replace old ones that are no longer beneficial. Neuroscience explains the functionality of the brain and its influence on the mind. Brain activity during hypnosis supports the definition of hypnosis as a state of attentional absorption that can spark creativity and insight. *Note – All mental asylums in the United Kingdom and most of the rest of the world have now been closed. Replaced by community care, increased knowledge and awareness of mental diseases, and the rise of psychiatric medicines and therapy. When necessary, psychiatric departments in hospitals today provide additional support for people suffering from mental illnesses.
"£30m health scheme that saw just 220 lose ANY weight at all..."
I recently read the above headline in a national newspaper, that equates to more than £136,000 per person! I knew from the title what the article would be about, but here's a snippet from the first paragraph... “councils blew £30million of taxpayers cash on wight-loss schemes despite experts warning that there is no evidence diets work in the long term and an obsession with them is fuelling Britain’s obesity epidemic” Obesity is a problem in our country, with 7 out of 10 adults and 4 out of 10 school children obese undoubtedly, we need to be addressing the health implications. However, reading articles like this year after year makes my blood boil; when are we going to stop shaming, stigmatising, and stressing about being "better" and start addressing self-esteem, confidence, and a healthy lifestyle in a sustainable way? We've all heard that if you eat fewer calories than you burn, you'll lose weight. So, if it were as simple as knowing this fact, we wouldn't be in this situation. Therefore, we must embrace that there is much more to it than meets the eye. Food is much more than just fuel in the world we've created; it's tasty, it's comforting, it's nurturing, it's socialising, it's a treat, a reward, it can be quick and convenient, or it can be lovingly prepared. We have established a culture of mealtimes and have grown accustomed to grazing on readily available food. For some people, providing food is a form of caring, love, and purpose. For some people, food is sacred and must never be wasted; perhaps you were raised with the all too common.... "Starving Children in Africa" guilt trip.... What benefit did it serve for me to be an overweight child? Should I have sent a picture of myself to a poor African family with the caption "at least you know it's not going to waste!" ? Don't get me wrong. I hate food waste, but I remind myself that all excess food is waste; it either ends up on my waist or in the waste. I recognise how fortunate we are in this situation, but excess food in my body benefits no one any more than excess food in the rubbish. I feel it is worth stressing that I'm referring to excess consumption and the need to stress this highlights the complexity in addressing eating habits vs disorders. As a hypnotherapist, I will only agree to a realistic and long-term weight reduction because it is my responsibility to promote overall health and well-being. I digress, but the point is that our relationship with food is far more complex and innate than simply eating less. So, what outcome would you predict (or have experienced) if you ignored the psychological reasons behind our relationship with food and instead bought into the next miracle cure or torturous no this, no that (aka NO LIFE!) diet? ... It's painful, you have to fight your willpower, and if (when) you fail, you will reprimand yourself, gain weight, and store that negative experience forever, along with the one before it, and the one before that... making your protective subconscious mind more hesitant each time. Self-esteem and confidence are important considerations. People frequently substitute food for the absence of security, love, and self-worth, and there are numerous reasons why these feelings may be present and require substitution. Confidence could be having the confidence to turn down offered food without feeling insecure or guilty, having the confidence to go to an exercise class of joining a gym. Addressing these factors will not only increase your chances of success in reaching your desired weight but will benefit all aspects of your life for greater fulfilment and enjoyment. Hypnotherapy can be very effective for improving self-esteem because negative perceptions of ourselves arise as a result of our subconscious trying to protect us. A negative experience with dieting, for example, will be stored in your subconscious as something to avoid. While I'm moaning, I'd like to bring up the subject of language. Every psychologist will tell you that the language we use, especially in the stories we tell ourselves, is extremely powerful. Because our subconscious is black and white, it does not always consider context and will make assumptions based on predetermined rules and beliefs. So, take a look at the word Lost, or Loss. This strikes me as negative and unintentional. You misplace your keys, miss out on an opportunity, suffer loss, and lose a loved one. None of these are welcome or intended, and some of them arouse a desire to seek. So, does our subconscious mind believe that losing weight will be unintentional and without effort, that it will cause suffering, or that it will create a quest to search and find? So rather than a weight loss program should we not be embarking on a desired weight program? A phrase that suggests a goal to strive for. And the word diet… this can imply deprivation, restriction, and shackles. The mere act of writing those words causes me anxiety. A diet focuses your mind on the negatives, on what you can't have. And guess what... you find yourself wanting it more and more. A simple shift in language to “a positive eating plan” can represent organisation, intention, and conscious positive decisions. Using words or labelling that cause shame will not motivate someone to change the habits that were created to comfort themselves from shame in the first place. Telling someone who has low self-esteem, low self-worth, that they are obese and must loss weight or face health implications is likely to arouse feelings of failure, of self-criticism and shame alongside the fear of ill health. So they will crave the habits that in the past have comforted these feelings. Denial, avoidance and comfort eating. Instead ask a patient if they would like support with healthy lifestyle choices and actions plans to improve their overall well-being. The patient needs to own their responsibility, but they should not be shamed. My hypnotherapy desired weight programmes are based on emotional and physical well-being, sustainability, and healthy choices. I am not a nutritionist, and I will not recommend an eating or food plan for you. I will work with you to better understand your relationship with food and how it serves you. We could work on conscious eating or implement new (realistic and enjoyable) strategies. We may work with you to improve your self-esteem and confidence. To keep you focused on your successes and goals, your programme will include motivation enhancement and forward pacing. The programme is about discovering what works for you mentally and emotionally to create and enjoy a natural and sustainable healthy lifestyle. And if the health secretary is interested in long-term healthy living programmes to help people achieve a healthy weight and lifestyle, I only charge £65 per hour, so the budget you squandered on just one person could equate to 2098 sessions, which could be enough to help over 250 people!